21 Ideas To Make Friends As An Anxious 20-Something

Welcome to adulthood, where the anxiety is high and the opportunity to meet new people is low! Just kidding…kind of. If you’re anything like me, making friends in your 20s was probably not high on your list of concerns for adulthood. And yet, here we all are – feeling awkward and lonely.

It’s hard to make friends in your 20s! Gone are the days that we are sitting next to or even living next to potential friends every day. Now, in our 20s, we have to make a concerted effort to find people we’re interested in being around and then double down to turn them into real friends.

Jump To: How To Make Friends In Your 20s

WHY ARE YOU STRUGGLING TO MAKE FRIENDS?

The three biggest reasons that making friends as an adult is so hard are lack of trust, lack of opportunities, and lack of time.

Lack of Trust

Let’s face it, a lot of us in our 20s are anxious and feeling insecure. In your 20s you often move to a new city, start a new job, and move away from your familiar old friends. This is incredibly hard and scary. Our social circle naturally shrinks because we no longer live next door to our closest friends and it can be hard to trust someone’s intentions when we first meet them. Is this person trustworthy and will they every compare to our old friends? But the fact is, the only way to make close friends is by getting outside your comfort zone and being vulnerable enough to let someone in. We have to push past our social anxiety long enough to connect.

Lack of Opportunities

Before we enter our 20s, there seem to be ample opportunities to meet new people naturally. We’re in class with other people our age, we may be on sports teams, we go out to parties etc. Once we enter our 20s, we spend most of our time working or otherwise “adulting.” We suddenly have to make a much more conscious effort to put ourselves in social situations with other people our age.

Lack of Time

Again, once we’re in our 20’s and we’re suddenly saddled by adult responsibilities, it’s easy to feel like there’s no extra time for friend-making. It’s been shown that it takes about 50 hours with someone to consider them a friend and 200 hours to build what feels like a close friendship. Since our 20s tend to be such a busy time in our lives, it’s important to find little, easy ways to spend time with potential friends to build the bond naturally over time.

DO WE REALLY NEED FRIENDS IN OUR 20S?

We most definitely need to have friends in our 20s. For most people, a lot of major life changes happen in your 20s and no one should have to go it alone. We’re already prone to anxiety and other mental health struggles, let’s not also isolate ourselves so that we feel lonely on top of it.  

Here are 6 reasons why we need friends in our 20s…

6 Reasons We Need Friends In Our 20s

1. Friends make you feel less isolated and lonely

2. Friends are good for your health (even the Mayo Clinic agrees)

3. Friends encourage good habits

4. Friends offer emotional support

5. Friends reduce stress

6. Friends contribute to fulfillment and meaning in life

Bonus: Friends boost your confidence

How TO MAKE FRIENDS IN YOUR 20’S

Join a book club

One of the best ways for young adults to make new friendships is through a low-key club like a book club. Book clubs tend to attract a lot of people who are looking for connections in their life. They’re relatively low-commitment, usually only meeting once per week or so, and you know it won’t be awkward because there’s always something to talk about: the book! If you can’t find a book club to join through Facebook, online, or posted at a coffee shop, you may consider starting one yourself! Make a simple poster and post it at your favorite coffee shop. You’d be surprised how easy it is to make a genuine connection with like-minded people by talking about your favorite books.

Host Sunday night dinners

Having a standing, low-threat event scheduled every week is an easy way for you and your core group of acquaintances to see each other regularly and to have something you can invite new connections to any time. You’ll be amazed how quickly the invitations can spread. 20-somethings are still settling in to our adult lives and something cozy and homey like a Sunday-night dinner is a generous ritual to start in your community.

Hit the same workout class regularly

Seeing the same faces day after day or week after week can help curb social anxiety and make it more likely that you’ll naturally strike up a conversation with someone. Try finding a scheduled workout class and make it a non-negotiable part of your routine.

Join a small gym

Try CrossFit, a climbing gym, a yoga studio, a pilates studio, a lap pool etc. Small gyms are an amazing place to meet new people in your 20s. Plus the endorphins that get flowing in these types of places help keep social anxiety at bay. Exploring your different interests is a great way to meet lots of different people and see who you click with. 

Volunteer

Volunteering is an easy way to get you out of the house, into good vibes, and open to meeting new people who share your altruistic streak. Try using Vomo to find your next volunteering opportunity.

Go to local coffee shops

In many US cities, coffee shops have started popping up on darn near every street corner. The work-from-home epidemic probably has something to do with that. And yay for us anxious 20-somethings because this means we always know where we can go to be around other people our age! I’m not saying that you will make your new best friend by sitting down at a table with a stranger without an invite. But if you try new coffee shops until you find a fave or two, you’ll start to notice familiar faces that become friendly faces. Just seeing the same people enough times is a very natural way to let friendships blossom.

Another good use of coffee shops is to invite someone out for a cup of coffee with you. Many young adults are wishing they had more friends – just like you. Just like in regular dating, sometimes you just have to go for it with friend-dating. Worst case scenario, you have an awkward hour with someone and you never do it again. Best case scenario, you discover lots of shared interests and your next hang sesh happens totally naturally.

Ask people questions about themselves

Maybe this sounds obvious, but many people, especially anxious ones, try to get out of conversations with people as quickly as possible. Next time you find yourself in a conversation with someone new, ask them questions about themselves. You may be surprised by the things you discover you have in common!

Smile at people

I know, I get it, social anxiety makes it hard to just look up and smile at a stranger. But how will other people know you’re interested in making new connections if you don’t cue them in? Most of the time people will just smile in return—but do this long enough and you’ll find that people are drawn in to talking to you thanks to your friendly demeanor. In other words, friends will just come to you!

Be generous

Community is built through generosity. The United States is notorious around the world for being much more “individual-minded” than we are “community-minded.” If you want to invite new connections and friendships into your life, try being more generous. Offer your help, give compliments freely, bring enough for everyone…you get the point. You may find that this simple shift makes people gravitate toward you more freely and think of you as more of a friend-option.

Assume other people want more friends too

And while you’re at it — assume people like you. This is a major mindset shift that can be super helpful in your quest to make friends. It’s easy, especially when we’re feeling particularly isolated, to assume you’re the only one who feels the way you do. The reality is that everyone needs friends! And in the busy, anxious, transient world we live in, most people don’t have enough. Try to change your mindset to assume that other people want more friends too and to assume that people like you. Most people underestimate how much a new person likes them during their first interaction. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt and assume people like you more than you think they do. 

Don’t be afraid of small talk

Trust me I get it – a huge part of social anxiety is the fear of engaging in small talk. Unfortunately, small talk is a reality of social events and creating new relationships. Adult friendships can begin even in to most unlikely of places – even over small. Try asking open-ended questions, expressing genuine interest in what your conversation partner is talking about, and power through the awkward lulls. Eventually, you might land on a topic that you both find exciting and discover you have more in common than you could have guessed. 

Find an event where people are doing something you’re interested in

Find local events that will attract people who have similar interests to you. Go to small art openings, farmer’s markets, open mic’s, crag cleanups, charity projects, etc. No, you probably won’t love every single person you meet and sometimes it will be a straight-up bust! But you only need to find one cool person. And who knows, they may eventually introduce you to a whole bunch of other cool folks to boot.

Try a speed-dating event

This might sound weird, but you’ll meet lots of new people at a speed dating event. Sure, you might meet someone you want to date, but more to the point, you might meet someone you’re not interested in dating but who could become a good friend. Plus, you already know you have one thing in common—you’re both single! Before you know it you might have made a great friend who you can attend more social events with and eventually create a social circle around. 

Pursue your hobbies relentlessly

The best way to meet people who will be genuine friends is by engaging in your own hobbies and finding others who share the same interests. Friendships require common ground. What do you enjoy? Singing, painting, running, building, cooking? If you pursue your hobbies relentlessly, you’ll find yourself in the right circles to meet other people you connect with naturally. Work friends are great, but finding other like-minded individuals who share your same interests in how you will build lasting friendships. 

Host a potluck

Again, I realize hosting may not come naturally to the anxious 20-something, but it is a very high-reward activity. Potlucks are a great way to casually invite people together without putting all of the pressure on yourself to make it run smoothly and enjoyably. When people have to buy-in to the event by bringing something to share, they tend to feel more attached to it going well. And bonus, you can extend the invitation further and wider since you’re not responsible for trying to feed everybody who attends.

Go for a walk at the same time every day

We are nothing if not creatures of habit. If you create a habit that gets you out of your house and into the world around the same time every day, you’ll start to see new faces and new opportunities. Say hello to your neighbors, ask people to pet their dogs, and wave to people you see often. Try to use your daily walk as a way to move past your social anxiety bit by bit. Bonus if you walk somewhere like a dog park where you’re likely to see the same people daily who you can build familiarity with over time.

Find local Facebook groups

Almost any interest you might have, there’s probably a local (or at least nearby) Facebook group for that. It may seem outdated to us 20-somethings to use Facebook for, well, pretty much anything, but you might as well use the resources that are available to you! Social media is meant to be social after all. You’d be amazed how many like-minded friends you might be able to find online. 

Go all out for the holidays

Going all out for the holidays, even the small ones that usually get overlooked, gives you a great opportunity to invite people to a pre-determined event. Holidays are awesome opportunities for personal development in general, why not also make them a regular opportunity to make and nurture friendships?

(Related: How To Use Holidays For Self-Development (10 Surprising Benefits of Going All Out))

Try an app

Hey, we’re all out here using apps for dating. Why not try the apps that are for making friends? Like in dating, you don’t need to love every person you come across on the app. Even one excellent candidate can go a long way! Some apps you might consider are MeetUp, Bumble BFF, or Yubo. Making friends in our 20’s is all about being open to new experiences. The first step to building meaningful relationships in your 20s just might be to download an app.

Join a networking group

Did you know there are networking groups in most cities specifically for young professionals? Again, I realize that anxiety may make it tough to want to go to an event with lots of new people, but this is a great way to meet not only potential friends but professional connections that may be valuable in the future. A networking event is one of the easiest ways to break the ice with lots of new people since everyone is in the same boat of wanting to make brand-new connections.

Take a class at the community college

Continuing education is such an easy, low-threat way to meet new people, even as an anxious 20-something. Try a class in something you think sounds interesting! Chances are you’ll meet other people who share that interest or curiosity, and worst case scenario, at least you’ve learned a new skill!

Be a beginner at something

Don’t be afraid to become a beginner in something new. Try a sport, a craft, a new language. When you bravely become a beginner at something new, people tend to appear out of nowhere to support you. You’ll quickly discover a whole new community of people you didn’t even know existed before! As you get better whatever it is you’re learning, you’ll start to speak the common language of that activity which will allow you to feel like part of the in-group. This is a very rewarding path to building a new friend group!

Accept and extend invitations

This is probably the most important idea on the list. If you want to make new friends, you have to become a “yes” person. Say yes when people invite you to try new things even when you’re not particularly fond of the person or the activity! And likewise, invite people to try things with you. It doesn’t have to be the perfect person or the perfect event. But the more often you put yourself out there in the world, the more opportunities you give the world to put itself out there for you.

​Final Thoughts On Making Friends In Your 20s

We don’t need to make 100 new friends to be fulfilled. Even just a few high-quality relationships can go a long way with our mental health. In fact, research shows that even just 3 to 6 friends may be ideal for life satisfaction.

There are plenty of ways to make new friends in your 20s but most of them start by being brave and being willing to step outside your comfort zone. Whether that means showing up to more work events or community events, or creating opportunities for people to get together, you have options if you’re willing to make the first move. 

I hope this list of ideas was helpful to you if you’re an anxious 20-something in need of more friends. Did I miss anything? How do you usually make friends?

(Related: The Best Morning Routine for Anxiety and Panic Attacks)