Put Yourself First Without Guilt: A Complete Guide

The advice to “put yourself first” and “make time for yourself” because you “can’t pour from an empty cup,” is becoming more and more widespread by the minute. And although it may sound great to put yourself first without feeling guilty, it can also sound impossible or even shameful.

To ease the feelings of guilt around putting yourself first, you must get clear on how this change will affect you and the people you care about.

Putting yourself can lead to better mental and physical health, healthy relationships, higher productivity, and improved well-being. It’s a great way to become the best version of you. It’s time to stop putting your self-care to-do list on the back burner and take the first step towards putting yourself first.

So how can we take this good advice to put stop putting other’s needs before our own without feeling so guilty about it?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST?

Putting yourself first means accepting that everyone, including you, is responsible for their own well-being. 

Putting yourself doesn’t mean being selfish or disrespecting anyone else’s needs, it just means doing what’s best for you and expecting the people in your life to do the same. With this understanding, you can stop neglecting your wants and needs and practice self-respect by advocating for yourself.

You don’t have to start ignoring the wants and needs of others to begin putting yourself first. It can be done with small mindset shifts and brief intentional moments throughout the day. Read on for a full list of examples of ways to put yourself first.

IS IT SELFISH TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST?

Putting yourself first doesn’t have to be selfish. In fact, putting yourself first so that you can show up as a better version of yourself in every area of your life can be a blessing to those around you!

You can practice healthy boundaries and self-respect, all while taking great care of the people you love and even empowering them to do the same for themselves.

The cliché phrase, “you can’t pour from an empty cup” does have some truth to it. When you’re feeling depleted and drained, it’s very hard to give empathy and support to others. The true meaning of self-care is to make a change that positively impacts you and everyone around you. When you feel full and energetic, you can provide better care and support to your family members, coworkers, etc.

Plus, if you are setting a good example for others about how to make time for yourself and remain compassionate, you are helping empower and inspire others to have more self-respect and agency in their lives as well. What an amazing gift!

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PUT YOURSELF FIRST?

When you put yourself first, you’ll feel healthier, more connected, more confident, and more fulfilled. 

If self-care is a new concept for you, it means you’re used to doing too much for others without taking the time to recharge your battery. You’re probably exhausted, struggling with your mental and physical health, and experiencing strained relationships…and that’s just the tip of the iceberg! 

If you’ve ever been on a plane, you know that the air steward always reminds us to put our own oxygen mask on before assisting others. This is a good analogy for life. It may feel strange at first to take care of your own needs before thinking of others, but ultimately, it will make you more capable of being there for them in the long run.

You don’t have to put all your dreams on the back burner! Engaging in what you love to do can breathe new life into you – as a person, a partner, a mother, a friend, and a colleague.

It may be an adjustment for the people in your life to understand and respect your new boundaries, and you’ll likely experience some pushback to putting your needs first. But that’s okay! It’s only because those people are looking out for their wants and needs, and they’ve grown accustomed to you waiting on them hand and foot. Doing the right thing for yourself will eventually have a positive ripple effect that touches everyone you know.

BENEFITS OF PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST

The benefits of putting yourself first include:

• Improved mental health
• Improved physical health
• Improved relationships
• Higher self-esteem
• A more positive outlook on life
• Sounds worth it to me!

EXAMPLES OF PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST

• Say “no” (try not to be a people pleaser)
• Make time for things you love
• Be inflexible when it comes to me-time
• Practice self-care (mind, body, and spirit)
• Don’t compromise on your values
• Create clear boundaries
• Spend time with people who make you happy and not with people who don’t
• Voice your opinion
• Ask for help when you need it
• Meditate; Get back in touch with who you really are
• Listen to your body
• Listen to your intuition
• Celebrate your wins

HOW TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY

You don’t have to trample other people’s needs in order to put yourself first. It’s okay to take others’ feelings into consideration to tamp down any shame about prioritizing yourself. It’s simply just as important that you take your own wants, needs, and feelings into consideration as well.

Here are 7 ways to put yourself first without feeling guilty

1. Get clear on“why” you’re making this change

If you’re going to follow through with your new, empowered way of living, you need to get clear about why it’s important to you and what you’re working towards. A good “why statement” can help you accomplish even your biggest, scariest goals. It will help you keep going when time get tough or when the guilt starts to creep in.

What are you missing out on by not putting yourself first? What will you gain by looking out for your own wants and needs?

For more help writing a strong Personal Why Statement, check out this article: What’s Your “Why”? How to Craft a Strong Personal Why Statement (with examples)

2. Put Yourself In Others’ Shoes

You spend a lot of time thinking about other people. I know that, because otherwise you wouldn’t be there. Take some time to think about your well-being from their perspective. What would your best friend tell you to do if they knew how stressed and burnt out you feel? It may help you feel less guilt when you consider how much those people care about you and how sad they would be to know that you’re feeling burnt out, under-appreciated, unfulfilled etc.

3. Make Your Boundaries Clear

As you map out your new boundaries for putting yourself first without feeling guilty, include the people they’re going to affect in the conversation. Part of the guilt and shame about putting yourself first may come from a fear that you’ll upset or blindside the people who are important to you. It doesn’t have to be that way. Let them know about the changes you’re making and why, and give them a chance to respect your decision.

4. Make a list of your non-negotiables

It will be easier for both you and the people in your life to adjust to the new, empowered you if there are some guidelines for what it will look like. What time are you going to practice self-care? How many times a day will you be available to take phone calls? Figure out your self-respecting schedule and share it with your people. The best way to make sure everyone feels good about this change is to make sure you’re clear and upfront about your needs.

5. Do what you love and share it with the people in your life

A huge part of putting yourself first is making time for yourself to do the things you enjoy. When we do more of what we love, we feel more like our authentic selves. Make sure you are building time into your schedule to do things you love to do. Have you been neglecting your passion for art, music, cooking, fitness, writing? It’s time to reconnect with the activities that used to bring you joy. Or! IT may be time to explore new activities to discover what lights you up.

You may even consider inviting the people you care about to join you so they can see you in your element and share in something you love.

6. Identify potentially triggering situations and make a plan for them

You know yourself better than anyone. Think about the times that it’s going to be difficult for you to uphold your boundaries. Who do you have a hard time saying “no” to? What situations will make you feel guilty about standing up for yourself? Think about these things ahead of time and make a plan for how you’ll respond so that you can be proud of yourself for the way you handle it rather than getting bowled over or reacting emotionally.

You may even consider writing these goals down so that you can come back to them when you’re not feeling as clear-headed and remind yourself of your “why” and what your game plan is to overcome the hurdles. This brings us to the next step in learning to put yourself first without feeling guilty. You may want to keep a journal.

7. Keep a journal

When we make any major changes in our lives, it can be helpful to track your energy, mood, self-esteem, general zest for life, etc. to remember why you’re doing this in the first place. Change isn’t always easy. You may have moments of guilt or shame or self-doubt creep in, and a journal can help you to keep your feelings straight and keep yourself moving in the right direction.

(For tips to start including a Gratitude Practice in your journal, check out this article. For 101 Affirmations For Women that you may like to include in your journal, click here.)

8. Practice Positive Self-Talk

Changing our habits and mindset takes time. It’s commendable that you are working on yourself and trying to become the best version of you! Throughout this process of learning to put yourself first, remember that your self-talk has the ability to create a lot of positive energy in your life. Try complimenting yourself for sticking to your boundaries, spending time doing things you love, and rewarding your hard work with self-care.

(Related: Rewire Your Brain and Change Your Negative Self-Talk (4 Simple Steps))

9. Encourage Others To Put Themselves First, Too

One of the best ways for human beings to learn something new is to teach it to others! Invite others into your journey towards better self-care by encouraging them to put themselves first too. You may be surprised how much creating a culture of self-advocacy helps everyone to feel like their best self! In this kind of environment, everyone can feel safe doing what they love and shining their brightest.

10. Prioritize Your Health

Probably the most important way to put yourself first is to prioritize your health. Your health should never suffer for the benefit of someone else. Make sure you’re heating enough nutritious foods, make time to exercise, meditate for a few minutes in the morning, and drink water! A little extra love for our bodies can pay huge dividends for our well-being and make it easier to stick to your guns for the ways you want to put yourself first.

Wrap-up for putting yourself first without feeling guilty

Learning to put yourself first can be an incredibly empowering journey! It’s good for your self-respect and self-esteem and can ultimately lead to a more fulfilled life. However, it’s a big change and it requires some finesse to put yourself first without feeling any guilt or shame. Be patient with yourself and the people in your life! Maybe we can all support each other in practicing better self-care and being the pilots of our own lives because what happens when you start putting yourself first is worth it.

If you found this helpful, feel free to share it! And leave a comment if you find any of these tips particularly inspiring. I’d love to hear from you!