If you’re a Halloween Queen like me, you probably love the spooky and surreal. Witches, ghosts, zombies? Yes, please. But when it comes to energy vampires… Absolutely not.
An energy vampire is someone who feeds off of other people’s emotional energy and drains their victims of their vitality.
Sounds dramatic, right? That’s because it is! The power of an energy vampire to sap you of your life force is downright creepy. If you’ve ever left an interaction with someone wondering how you went from bubbly and bright to dull and disheartened in a matter of minutes, chances are you were the victim of an energy vampire. If you want to learn how to deal with an energy vampire and avoid their vampiric touch in the future to protect your mental health and well-being, you’ve come to the right place.
Jump To:
- How Can You Tell If Someone Is An Energy Vampire?
- How To Spot An Energy Vampire Before It’s Too Late
- Energy Vampire Types
- How To Deal With An Energy Vampire
- Final Thoughts
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF SOMEONE IS AN ENERGY VAMPIRE?
Energy vampires often have narcissistic tendencies, they’re hard to avoid, and they leave you feeling worse off for having interacted with them. Once you know what you’re looking for, energy vampires tend to give themselves away pretty quickly. Emotional vampires may not even know exactly what they’re doing, but you’ll be able to tell what they are based on the way you feel.
An energy vampire is sometimes also called a psychic vampire because it almost feels like these people get inside your mind and steal your positivity and vitality. Sensitive people tend to be an especially easy target for the energy vampire because we wear our emotions on our sleeves which can make us more vulnerable to their manipulation. That’s why it’s especially important to identify these toxic people early and make a game plan to find the emotional support you need to stay safe.
How Does An Energy Vampire Make You Feel?
You can tell if someone is an energy vampire by the way interactions with them leave you feeling. The hallmark of an energy vampire is that after engaging with them, you feel symptoms of exhaustion, irritability, pessimism, low self-esteem, shame, being overwhelmed, and/or anxiety.
Remember that the signs of an energy vampire come down to the way you feel – not whether this person admits (or even knows) what they’re doing. As we’ll discuss more later on, these types of people may be charming or charismatic in their own way but that doesn’t mean they’re not also feeding off of your energy.
Energy Vampire Symptoms
Before we talk about how to deal with an energy vampire, let’s take a closer look at the energy vampire symptoms that will let you know you’re being targeted.
The list is long and the symptoms range from mild – like exhaustion, to extreme – like low self-esteem or chronic anxiety.
Chances are, if you feel like someone in your life is an energy vampire based on how they affect your mental health, you’re probably right! We all have the urge to avoid some people more than others and we know who’s gonna kill our vibe or create negative emotions. But just to be sure, let’s look at some of the most common symptoms of these emotionally draining vampiric interactions.
Exhaustion
If you go into a conversation with someone feeling vibrant and energetic but your energy feels depleted when you walk away, you probably just had a first-hand encounter with an energy vampire.
Some people, rather than bouncing off the energy of others to boost their own good vibes, literally absorb the energy of others. Leaving their victim, in this case you, feeling depleted and exhausted.
Irritability
Where there is exhaustion there is often irritability. You may come out of an interaction with an energy vampire feeling frustrated – like you’re not sure how they “got the better of you” in the conversation. This lack of feeling of control is annoying and can easily lead to feeling irritable.
Pessimism
Do you know someone who just sucks the joy out of everything? They can spin anything you say to sound worthless, dangerous, or downright stupid. One of the major energy vampire symptoms to look out for is a changed, more pessimistic outlook on the world.
Lowered Self-Esteem
Do you know someone who can always one-up you? You can never share anything that shocks or impresses them because they’ve already seen it or done it all? Yeah, that dramatic drop in self-esteem from one conversation isn’t normal and is an obvious indicator that you just got vampire-d. This energy vampire symptom can be one of the most detrimental to our mental health so watch out! Don’t let someone put you down for the sake of their own selfish gain.
Shame
Energy vampires are always looking for ways to steal your power and make it their own. One way they may shake you down for your energy is by stomping on your confidence. If during a conversation with someone you suddenly feel deep guilt or shame about things you’ve already moved on from, chances are your perspective was manipulated for someone else’s selfish gain.
Overwhelm
When our energy gets sapped by an energy vampire, we’re not left with enough for ourselves. This lack of motivated, positive energy makes it harder to think straight and stay on top of our own obligations—quickly leading to a state of overwhelm. If having a particular person in your life leads you to feeling more generally overwhelmed, ask yourself, could this person be feeding off my emotional energy?
Anxiety
One of the easiest ways to stoke anxiety is to make someone feel “out of control.” Energy vampires are quick to twist your words, change your perspective, and make you feel like you’re not yourself. If you leave a conversation wondering where your power went and why you’re suddenly feeling a loss of control over your mood and well-being, you guessed it, you’re experiencing an energy vampire symptom.
How To Spot An Energy Vampire Before It’s Too Late
Aside from the obvious impact that energy vampires have on your mental health and well-being, there are a few ways to spot an energy vampire in the wild before getting too close. Along with the narcissism we mentioned earlier, these emotion-suckers tend to fall into one or more of these 6 energy vampire types: The “You’ll Never Believe It,” the “Poor Me,” the “Ego Maniac,” the “You Don’t Get It,” the “Guilt Trip,” and the “Validate Me.”
Know anyone like this? Read on to get to know the different types of energy vampires and their specific manipulative tactics.
Energy Vampire Types
The “You’ll Never Believe It” Energy Vampire
This energy vampire type always has drama in their life. Somehow, every time you see them, they have a new outrageous story about the stuff they’ve been through recently. Listening to this person speak can make you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and anxious. You don’t understand how they live in such constant chaos but your reasonable efforts to help them change their situation seems to fall on deaf ears. This type of energy vampire isn’t genuinely trying to change their circumstances because they get their vitality from the drama and the reactions they get from poor, innocent victims like you who fall victim to their punishing story-time.
The “Melodramatic” Energy Vampire
The melodramatic vampire type is always the victim of something – they’re also known as “martyr vampires”. The way they tell it, no one respects them, cares for them, or appreciates them. There’s always been a recent injustice done to them that, in their opinion, is worthy of never-ending sympathy from anyone who will listen. Again, this energy vampire isn’t looking for help to really make any changes, they just want you to know about and react to their pain and suffering. After interactions with this person, you may be left feeling helpless, ungrateful, ashamed, or exhausted.
The “Ego Maniac” Energy Vampire
This energy vampire type will take over every conversation and make it about themselves. You can barely get a word in edgewise and they clearly have a lack of empathy. These narcissist vampires will talk over you, cut you off, or simply ignore your contributions to the “conversation.” You may be left thinking, “Why am I even here? You could have this exact same conversation alone.”
The “You Don’t Get It” Energy Vampire
This energy vampire type always needs to one-up you. None of your stories or experiences could compare to theirs and in fact, yours are hardly worth hearing about. This person feeds off of the moment you give up on your story and hand the reigns over entirely to them. Interacting with this energy vampire likely leaves you feeling irritated, down on yourself, and, as always, exhausted.
The “Guilt Trip” Energy Vampire
The Guilt Trip Energy Vampire will always find a way to use your kindness against you by making you feel like you’re never doing enough. The saying “give them an inch and they’ll take a mile” was likely invented because of an energy vampire. These people will prey on your willingness to listen and help. As soon as they know they can get your sympathy and attention, they’ll become a bottomless pit expecting you to pour more and more energy into them. And when you don’t, or can’t, or even hesitate to do so, they’ll hit you with a heaping serving of guilt or shame—simply for trying to set healthy boundaries.
The “Validate Me” Energy Vampire
In my own experience, the “Validate Me” Energy Vampire is one of the most exhausting of all. Somehow they’ve mastered the art of pulling the response they’re looking for out of you. You may not agree with anything they’ve said, but through pointed eye contact, body language, and verbal nudges, you find yourself nodding along with their nonsense. These energy vampires leave you feeling down on yourself for not sticking to your truth, exhausted from trying to resist them, and anxious from feeling like you lost control of the conversation.
HOW TO DEAL WITH AN ENERGY VAMPIRE
Now that you can recognize the symptoms of interacting with an energy vampire and you’re familiar with the different types, it’s up to you to decide how you’re going to deal with this person.
There are two sure-fire ways to deal with an energy vampire: stop interacting with them altogether or learn how to stop them from draining your energy.
Let’s take a closer look at when and how to use each option so you can cut out this toxic behavior from your life ASAP
How To Avoid An Energy Vampire
The best way to avoid an energy vampire is to make firm boundaries and stick to them. If the person who is draining your energy is not someone who otherwise plays a major role in your life, it may be time to consider removing that person from your life. It’s totally okay to set boundaries in your relationships that keep you healthy and vibrant! If someone is disrespecting an energetic boundary you have, it may be time to walk away.
It may be as simple as using a vague excuse like, “I don’t have time to chat today,” or “I’ve got to get home.” Sometimes dodging an energy vampire might be a little more complex or take a little more time. You may have to begin implementing your new boundaries more slowly and distancing yourself from this person bit by bit. On the bright side, energy vampires don’t know what to do without a source of energy to feed off of. This means that as you may it more difficult for them to take what they want from you, there’s a good chance they’ll just look elsewhere for a new energy source and finish the job for you.
Remember, energy vampires will take anything you give them. Don’t feel guilty for cutting off their supply to your own energy! Sometimes, dodging an energy vampire is the best thing you can do for your own mental health and well-being. So dodge, baby, dodge.
How To Stop Someone From Draining Your Energy
Unfortunately, sometimes we discover that someone deep within our social circle is actually an energy vampire. Obviously, depending on the role your energy vampire plays in your life, dodging someone indefinitely is not always an option. But your mental health is important! So what’s the solution? If it turns out that your best friend or a family member is an energy vampire, you may have to take control of the situation by learning how to stop people from draining your energy.
Here are a few ways to stop someone from draining your energy.
Create physical barriers between you and that person
If there is someone in your office or home who feeds off your energy, find simple ways to create more physical boundaries between the two of you. Sometimes just not physically seeing that person as often can help begin to create a boundary between you.
Try closing the door to your office, putting tall plants between your cubicles, put up a room-divider if need be. If you’re still living with your mom and you realize she’s an energy vampire, it might be time to start thinking about moving out. Anything to create an extra obstacle between you and your parasite so that you can’t feel their negative energy attacking you all day long.
Create emotional and energetic boundaries when engaging with people
Emotional and energetic boundaries are just as important as physical ones in dealing with an energy vampire. Be vocal and clear about how much time and investment you can give to this person. Let them know that if they cross any emotional lines you’ll be forced to walk away. It’s okay to advocate for your needs to stop someone from draining your energy.
Related: How To Put Yourself First Without Feeling Guilty (Complete Guide)
Prepare for interactions ahead of time by bolstering your mood and confidence
Just like “real” vampires, energy vampires can’t handle too much light. If you come into an interaction as your most vibrant, shiny self, they’re going to have a harder time knocking you off of your sparkly throne. Try doing things that make you feel the most like “you” before you have to interact with a known energy vampire. This will help you stay rooted in yourself and your emotions even through their attempts to drain you.
Recover after interactions with activities that bolster your mood and confidence
Again, you have control over your energy. Make sure you know how to replenish your emotional energy and inner vitality and schedule in times for those activities. If you know you have to deal with an energy vampire in the morning, schedule a gym sesh, studio time, a nature walk or anything else you find grounding for the afternoon. Take care of your own needs the best that you can during your down time.
Use a mantra during interactions that remind you that you are separate from that person and in control of your own feelings
Using a powerful mantra during interactions with an energy vampire is another way to create an emotional boundary to stop someone from draining your energy. Throughout the conversation, come back to the mantra in your head that reminds you that you know who you are, you’re strong, you’re safe, and this person can’t take that from you. You might try using something simple like, “I’m strong, I’m safe, I’m independent.” But any mantra that resonates with you can be a great tool to help you deal with an energy vampire in your life!
Related: 101 Positive Affirmations For Women
FINAL THOUGHTS
At the end of the day, your light shouldn’t be dimmed by anyone else. If you find yourself feeling down and emotionally drained after interactions with a particular person, it’s time to make a change. You deserve to be your strongest, happiest self. Keep an eye out for all of the different energy vampire types and use the tips I shared to deal with an energy vampire.
If you found this article helpful, feel free to share it to help other unsuspecting victims steer clear of the energy vampires of the world and protect their mental health.
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Mary Christina
Hey, I'm Mary! My background is in Psychology and I'm a certified Health Coach and Meditation Teacher. I'm also a mental health advocate and believer in personal development as medicine. I write because I'm hopeful that my experiences and learnings as a human are helpful to you--wherever you are.