What Is Shadow Work? How To Make Friends With Your Shadows

Throughout the course of our lives and spiritual journeys, we are invited many times to see ourselves in a new light. The unconscious mind, the home of our shadow self, is a vast and complex realm that holds our deepest fears, desires, repressed emotions, and limiting beliefs. According to the renowned Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, we all have a “shadow self” – a side of our personality that we tend to hide from others and even ourselves. This shadow archetype encompasses all the traits, negative emotions, and beliefs that we’ve disowned or repressed over the years.

Engaging in “shadow work” is the process of bringing these hidden parts of ourselves into conscious awareness and examining their merit. While it can be a difficult process, shadow work offers immense benefits for personal growth and mental health. It helps us integrate all aspects of ourselves, leading to a deeper sense of wholeness and inner peace and releasing us from the shame or fear associated with keeping parts of ourselves in the dark.

Jump To:

• What is your shadow self?
• Where do our shadow parts come from?
• How does your shadow self affect you?
• Examples of inner shadow manifestations
• What is shadow work?
• The benefits of shadow work
• How to get started on your shadow work
• Final thoughts

What is your shadow self?

Your shadow self refers to the parts of your psyche that you’ve consciously or unconsciously denied, repressed, or deemed unacceptable. It encompasses the “dark side” of your personality – the personality traits, behaviors, and emotions that you feel ashamed or confused by, but that still exist within your unconscious mind.

According to Jungian psychology, the shadow forms early in childhood as we learn which traits are socially acceptable and which are not. We then “split off” the undesirable aspects of ourselves and bury them in the unconscious mind. However, these repressed parts don’t just disappear – they manifest in psychological projection, self-sabotaging behaviors, and strong negative reactions to others.

We all have a shadow self. Your personal shadow may be made up of sadness, laziness, cruelty, compulsions, regret, shame, judgment, or any number of other feelings and traits. The nature of our shadows is that they’re highly personal and deeply embedded. It’s okay if discovering and discussing your shadows make you uncomfortable – the vulnerability of understanding your shadows simply serves to highlight the importance of doing shadow work.

Where do our shadow parts come from?

Our shadow parts have their roots in our childhood experiences, family members, societal conditioning, and even past lives (according to some beliefs). As young children, we begin to form our sense of identity and learn which behaviors earn approval or disapproval from parents, teachers, and peers. Any personality traits that we’re shamed or punished for, or that simply aren’t mirrored back to us, became candidates for inner shadow. For example, if you were raised to be a “good girl” who is always polite and well-behaved, you may have repressed parts of yourself that are angry, messy, or rebellious.

Our shadows can also develop as coping mechanisms or emotional reactions to trauma and difficult life events. Parts of ourselves may go into hiding as a form of self-protection. Social and cultural conditioning also play a huge role. For example, conventional masculinity norms can cause men to repress their tender, vulnerable sides.

How does your shadow self affect you?

When we deny or repress parts of ourselves, those inner shadows don’t just disappear – they continue to exert an unconscious influence over our lives. Our unintegrated shadows manifest in many ways but here are some of the most common you may recognize from your own life.

• Self-sabotaging behaviors
• Low self-esteem
• Harsh negative self-talk and self-criticism
• Intense, irrational strong reactions toward others
• Disproportionate emotional outbursts
• A lack of inner peace and wholeness
• Attracting the very people/situations we claim to dislike
• Projecting our shadow traits onto others
• Lack of fulfillment
• Unexplained negative feelings about people, circumstances, places, etc

Our disowned shadows also make it difficult to form deep, meaningful relationships. When we’re ruled by our inner shadows, we’re unable to be fully vulnerable and show up as our true selves. 

Often times our shadow selves are responsible for the patterns we see continually popping up in our lives. If you seem to attract the same time of partner, job, living situation, money situation etc, there’s a good chance your shadow self is attracting those circumstances in order to watch a scenario play out the same way over and over again. Until we do our shadow work to discover how we can interrupt that cycle and make different choices, we may find ourselves stuck in an uncomfortable rut for years on end.

Examples of inner shadow manifestations

• Getting enraged when someone cuts you off in traffic (hidden anger)
• Feeling disgust towards a “lazy” coworker (repressed laziness)
• Judging an overly emotional friend (disowned sensitivity)
• Calling your partner “needy” when they want intimacy (rejected neediness)
• Labeling a confident person as “arrogant” (projected insecurity)
• Overeating or overspending as “gluttonous” (forbidden desires)
• Refusing to ask for help (stubborn independence)

What is shadow work?

Shadow work is the intentional practice of becoming aware of your inner shadow self and integrating its positive and negative aspects into your conscious awareness. The goal of shadow work is to embrace your whole self – both the light and the dark sides of your psyche. The point of shadow work is not to figure out why your shadows were born and get bogged down in your past. The goal of shadow work is simply to become more conscious of the way you make decisions and react to the world around you. This awareness can empower you to make choices that are more aligned with who you want to be. 

Here are 7 ways you can benefit from doing shadow work.

• Stop reacting out of fear of how others might perceive you
• Release trapped negative emotions and strong negative reactions
• Stop attracting and projecting onto the shadow selves of others
• Break free from self-limiting beliefs and destructive patterns
• Reclaim your inner strength, self-worth, and personal power
• Experience deeper connections within your relationships
• Live more authentically as your true self

Ultimately, shadow work is not about transcending or destroying your shadow, but about making peace with it. The concept of shadow work suggests that only by owning and accepting all different parts of ourselves can we find inner peace and live as our best selves. Recognizing your shadow gives you the power to overcome your unconscious reactions and make different choices that are aligned with your highest self.

The benefits of shadow work

While shadow work can certainly be difficult and uncomfortable at times, the rewards of doing this powerful inner work are immense. Some key benefits of shadow work include:

• Greater self-awareness and potential for personal growth
• Improved emotional health and resilience
• More meaningful relationships
• Unleashing your creativity
• Better boundaries and adherence to your personal values
• Release of shame, guilt, and negative self-talk
• Feeling more grounded, confident, and whole
• Less perfectionism and fear of failure
• A more fulfilled and authentic life

By engaging in shadow work, you stop being controlled by your unconscious shadow aspects and negative emotions. You gain the clarity and freedom to make conscious choices aligned with your higher self. Many find this practice to be life-changing.

How to get started on your shadow work

The first step in shadow work is simply becoming aware that you have shadows. From there, you can begin observing how your denied shadow traits and parts manifest in your present-moment experiences.

Pay attention to strong reactions you have towards others, as these are often mirrors revealing your own shadow. Notice when you’re projecting disowned traits, as well as any self-sabotaging or destructive tendencies. Do you have emotional reactions to events that objectively don’t affect you? Do you feel fear or aversion to things that you barely understand? Try to stay vigilant about your emotions throughout the day. Your emotions can teach you a lot about your shadow self.

Here are some other ideas to explore your shadow.

Journal

Use shadow work prompts like “What is a mistake you’ve made recently that you haven’t truly forgiven yourself for yet? How can you forgive yourself?” or “How can you set better boundaries today?”. You can also try focused journaling where you write freely about your shadows, your goals for healing, and your higher self. You’ll be amazed how much just writing down your inner thoughts can help you to untangle complicated shadow patterns.

​Dream Journal

Our dreams are the realm where our unconscious minds have free reign. If you begin to pay attention to your dreams, you can start to pick up on patterns, symbolism, and messages that are coming through in your sleep state. Keep a dream journal and write down what you remember about your dreams every morning. Over time, through this kind of dream analysis, you may be able to look back and realize how clearly your dreams were speaking to you all along.

Engage in creative practices like art therapy, movement, music

Creativity is one of the ways that we can connect with our subconscious minds and higher selves. The more time you spend in a state of “flow,” the more you can disconnect from the 3D world and get in touch with your inner being. If you pay attention and don’t run from what you discover, creative practices can become a gateway to learning about your shadow self.

Work with shadow archetypes

Jungian psychology recognizes 12 main character archetypes that embody distilled versions of characters that human beings tend to relate to. By learning about these archetypes and how they present when they are balanced vs unbalanced, we can start to see ourselves in the characters and gain some perspective on our own experiences. The 12 archetypes are the Ruler, the Creator/Artist, the Sage, the Innocent, the Explorer, the Rebel, the Hero, the Wizard, the Jester, the Everyman, the Lover, and the Caregiver.

Meditate

As simple as it sounds, meditation is one of the most powerful shadow work exercises you can do. Meditation allows us to have ultimate present moment awareness and disconnect from the noise of our material world. If you’re willing to be honest and vulnerable with yourself, meditation becomes a mirror to learn everything you want to know about every aspect of your being. Don’t be afraid to ask shadow work questions during your meditations: Why am I afraid to truly express myself? How can I be more authentically myself today? What am I trying to protect with this facade? 

The key to shadow work is to approach the work gently and with compassion for yourself. Create a safe space free of shame or judgment. You may also want to find a skilled guide to support you, as this work can stir up intense emotions.

It’s wise to “start small” by picking just one shadow aspect to explore at first. For example, if you always put others’ needs before your own, you could look at your tendency towards people-pleasing codependent behaviors. Ask yourself when those patterns first began arising? (Don’t get bogged down on the “why” and become a victim, but it’s helpful to contextualize thought patterns to understand triggers and associated beliefs.) What beliefs do they relate back to? How might embracing your selfish side actually be healthy at times? Try to make space for curiosity about your shadow rather than judgment. The goal isn’t to get rid of “bad” parts, but to integrate and accept all parts of yourself.

Final Thoughts

While shadow work isn’t necessarily an easy process, it offers tremendous value for anyone seeking deeper emotional freedom, wholeness, and fulfillment in life. By doing this courageous inner work, you can stop being controlled by the aspects of yourself that you’ve denied and disowned.

The idea of the shadow self has become a cornerstone of not just Jungian psychology, but also many modern types of therapy and personal growth work. When we shine a light on our shadows and embrace our whole selves, we live with more authenticity and aligned with our higher selves. If you’re feeling called to go on this profound “shadow work journey,” go with courage and humility. The best version of yourself is waiting on the other side.

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