10 Tips to Build Genuine Self-Confidence

Confidence and self-esteem are crucial for a fulfilling life but can be elusive to develop and maintain. Low self-esteem and lack of confidence can lead to negative thoughts, negative self-talk, and a self-identity that harms our mental health. Building healthy self-esteem and high self-confidence is essential for personal growth, overcoming new challenges, and achieving our goals. 

In this article, we’ll explore the difference between false confidence and true confidence, what causes real confidence, and powerful ways to improve your sense of self-worth and positive self-esteem.

Jump To:

• False confidence vs true confidence
• What leads to true confidence?
• How to improve your self-esteem
• 10 ways to build true confidence
• Final Thoughts

False Confidence vs True Confidence

If you’re hoping to develop real self-esteem and self-confidence, it’s essential to distinguish between false confidence and true confidence. We’ve all met people who seem to radiate self-confidence in spades. Sometimes these people come off as authentically calm, cool, and collected and it’s easy to see where their confidence comes from. But have you ever met someone who seems to work just a little too hard to maintain their air of confidence? Or maybe you’ve felt like one of those people – exhausting yourself trying to come off as relaxed and in control.

False confidence is often rooted in unrealistic expectations, social comparison, or insecurity masked by bravado. It’s a temporary fix that can lead to disappointment and lower self-esteem. True confidence, on the other hand, is built on a strong sense of self-worth, personal strengths, and a healthy amount of self-esteem.

False Confidence

False confidence is much more common than real confidence and is what we typically witness when someone seems overly sure of themselves. I lovingly call this the “I Hope They Don’t See Through Me” type of (lack of) self-confidence. 

False confidence tends to come off as bragging, arrogance, or belittling behavior. In reality, the I Hope They Don’t See Through Me “self-confidence” is just a thin veil covering a deep well of insecurity. Most people who perform in this way haven’t done the self-development necessary to develop real confidence. In fact, they’re spending so much energy to maintain their facade of confidence that they don’t have much energy left over to do the work to actually become more confident and develop their self-esteem.

True Confidence

Unlike false confidence, true confidence tends to come off in a subtler, more humble way and is the result of earned self-trust. Earned self–confidence, which isn’t loud or boastful, is less common and harder to come by. However, if you’re truly looking to boost your confidence and self-esteem, improving your sense of identity is the only way to get there. True confidence is earned through self-reflection, vulnerability, and personal development.

I like to call true confidence the “Mr. Miyagi” type. (No one can argue that guy doesn’t have self-confidence, right?!) Have you ever met someone whose presence just feels so genuine and grounding that you love to be around them and listen to every word they have to say? Think of someone who makes you feel seen and heard when you speak. They are present and engaged and able to hold space for you to be yourself. This is the mark of true self-confidence.

Like I said, true confidence is rare. But by building self-trust and learning to embrace your insecurities, you can become a truly self-confident person that other people look up to and want to be around.

What Leads To True Confidence?

True confidence is the result of radical self-trust. Confident people understand their own abilities, embrace their flaws, and have high self-esteem. They’re not afraid to step out of their comfort zone and take on new challenges. Truly confident people know that there is always room to grow and improve and therefore they don’t need to be afraid of or embarrassed about trying new things and being a beginner. In other words, true confidence is inextricably linked with having a growth mindset. Carol Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success,  describes the growth mindset as “…the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts.” This mindset empowers us to become confident in any domain through practice, perseverance, and asking the right questions.

Channeling Your Insecurity Into Real Confidence

The opposite of self-confidence is insecurity.

Think about that word… in-secure. Not secure. In other words, not safe and out of control. Anxiety and depression are both manifestations of feeling extremely “out of control.”

If insecurity is the opposite of self-confidence, then self-confidence can be thought of as “security”–feeling in control. Security and control are two byproducts of practicing discipline, adopting a growth mindset, and learning to trust yourself.

How to Improve Your Self-Esteem

Improving self-esteem is a journey that requires hard work and dedication to a new mindset.  Here are some strategies to help you cultivate higher self-esteem:

1. Challenge negative thinking: Recognize and replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Learning to change your negative self-talk is a powerful way to overcome limiting beliefs and create new patterns of thinking. The growth mindset demands that we adopt a beginner’s mindset whenever necessary and trust that we can improve in any area of life.
2. Practice self-care: Engage in activities that nourish your physical health and mental well-being. Make it a point to exercise, meditate, eat a healthy diet, and make time for yourself.
3. Celebrate small wins: Acknowledge and celebrate small things you accomplish, as they can lead to great things. When we set our targets too far out, they can feel impossible to reach. We learn to trust ourselves by accomplishing small tasks over and over again. This self-trust plays a huge role in developing self-esteem. Next time you successfully accomplish a small goal, pat yourself on the back; you’re making progress.
4. Surround yourself with positive influences: Spend time with good friends and family members who support and encourage you. Surround yourself with people who inspire you to become the best version of yourself. Our social circles have a huge influence on our self-image and can greatly impact your self-esteem.

10 Ways to Build True Confidence

Identify and challenge your inner critic

Your inner critic can fuel negative self-talk and low self-confidence. Learn to recognize and challenge these negative thoughts.

Adopt a growth mindset

Step out of your comfort zone and try new things. Facing new challenges can build resilience and improve your self-confidence. Adopt a growth mindset to get comfortable challenging yourself and being a beginner at things again. Starting from where you are is the only way to improve.

Develop new skills

Learning new skills can boost your sense of self-worth and positive self-esteem. The more competent you become, the more reason you’ll have to be confident in your abilities and your ability to improve.

Practice self-compassion

Be kind to yourself and treat yourself as you would a good friend. Self-compassion can help you overcome difficult situations and build healthy self-esteem. Negative self-talk is detrimental to becoming the best version of you.

Set realistic goals

Break down larger goals into small goals and celebrate each achievement along the way. This can build high self-confidence and a strong sense of self-esteem. Setting realistic goals that you consistently accomplish is a huge win for your self-esteem and self-image.

Keep a gratitude journal

Write down positive things you’re grateful for each day. This can shift your mindset and promote healthy self-esteem. Practicing gratitude is a powerful way to maintain good mental health and give you the best possible chance to build your confidence over time.

Celebrate your strengths

Make a list of things you’re good at and acknowledge your own strengths. This can reinforce your sense of self-worth.

Seek professional help if needed

If you’re struggling with poor self-esteem and low confidence, consider seeking support from a therapist, counselor, or coach. Sometimes an outside perspective is invaluable for seeing ourselves in a new light.

Face your fears

Identify situations that make you anxious or insecure, and gradually expose yourself to them. Overcoming these fears can change the way you see yourself and become a significant confidence booster.

Related: 9 Simple Steps To Overcome Your Fear Of Failure (Atychiphobia)

Pursue a new hobby or join a group

Engaging in activities you enjoy and being part of a community can provide a sense of accomplishment and belonging, fostering self-esteem.

Final Thoughts

Building confidence and self-esteem is a long-term process that requires commitment and hard work. Remember, low self-esteem is often rooted in negative thinking and unrealistic expectations of ourselves. By embracing positive self-talk, setting realistic goals, and adopting a growth mindset, you can cultivate healthy self-esteem and high self-confidence.

It may sound cliche but the best way to get started is just to start! Like any self-improvement journey, it will get easier and more natural with time.

You have EVERYTHING you need to be successful inside of you. The sooner you start, the sooner you can start feeling like a million bucks and stop having to worry about feeling insecure. Remember, building confidence and self-esteem is an ongoing journey, but one that can lead to a more fulfilling personal life and professional life.

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